I Dreamed Beer Last Night

I dream beer often. At least once a month. I’ve dreamed beer my whole life. It’s not about drinking beer, either. It’s a legacy passed on to me from my grandfather and it’s dreams that few people could ever know.

When I dream beer it usually revolves around our old warehouse, but sometimes I am out in the market or driving a truck, too.

Recurring themes include lots of broken and destroyed cases of beer, burglary and trespassers in the old warehouse, getting chewed out by a customer, interacting with employees that have come and gone over the years, and, my favorite, trying to outrun a tornado in my old 12 bay straight truck.

Last night it was the old I’ve forgotten to lock the doors theme that I so thoroughly enjoy. Let me set the scene. It’s late at night, I’m in bed and just realized that I forgot to make sure the back overhead door of the warehouse was shut and locked. Of course, I have to run back up there and check it out.

Now to get to the back overhead door, first I have to go in through the front office, down a long dark hallway, through the signage room, through the breakage room, and through the truck drive thru. So far, I’ve been able to cut on lights for each area. Now the fun begins.

Because of several additions through the years, the lights to the main beer storage warehouse are in the very back. This is not a problem during the day because we have daylighting fixtures on the ceiling of the warehouse.

But, at night I have to walk into an eighty yard long cavern with rows and rows of beer on each side. Then, hang a left and walk another fifty yards in pitch black darkness – all the while hoping nothing is going to jump out from behind a pallet of beer and get me.

Once I get to where the light switch is, the fun begins. Let’s channel the movie Flash Gordon from the 1980’s here. Remember the part when Flash, as a test of manhood, had to put his arm into the tree stump with the Wood Beast – one bite from this thing would kill you? Well, this is my test of manhood.

The light switch is a full arms length into a narrow opening between the new warehouse addition and the original old 1950’s warehouse – full of all types of creepy crawlies and spider webs and probably unknown, undiscovered Wood Beasts.

I reach in to turn on the lights and I better hit the right switch. One switch is for lights and the other switch goes to an ancient air curtain that powers on like a train horn – many times the cause of soiled pants for an unsuspecting soul.

Once I have light, I walk past the old loading dock and take a right to get to the overhead door. In some dreams, I find that the door was shut and locked the whole time. That’s rare, though. Most of the time there are three or four baddies helping themselves to all the beer they can haul out of there.

First, I yell What the $#*@ are you doing? to the intruders. Then, a huge, slow motion fist fight ensues. Out come the knives, guns, baseball bats, flamethrowers, you name it. There’s even a little bit of karate thrown in for good measure. Never any winners or losers, though. I wake up lost in time and space. Then reality sets in. That old warehouse burned down years ago and those days are gone forever. Gone, but definitely not forgotten. 🙂

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